Testing Day

On Friday we got the opportunity to partner with the Luke Commission that goes all around Swaziland holding medical clinics. I was very impressed with the organization and what they are attempting to do in this country. They have a strong desire to not only give medical treatment and HIV testing but to build relationships and trust with the people they are serving. It was a really emotional day for a lot of the team and God gave us all more of a glimpse into the way that this country is hurting. But I really loved watching the way that God broke so many of our hearts that day. There were many tears shed for the Swazi people and I, of course, was no exception. The following is what I wrote in my journal that night.

It’s almost like I don’t even want to take the time to process and think about today with fear that it will leave me undone. HIV is so real and alive here. It’s been easy for me to forget that when I’m jut hanging out at the carepoint and loving on kids. But today I couldn’t run from the fact that it is and will continue to impact the lives of the children I’ve been holding all week. The moment it really slapped me in the face was when I was in the testing room. In this room we were testing people’s blood pressure, insulin levels and for HIV. People would get tested and the results would go to the doctor in the next room who would go over them with the patients. I was mostly observing and helping a little with the HIV tests. It was hard to see people come in, be tested and then see their results even before they did. I didn’t realize how hard it was about to be as in walks in a little boy I held forever the other day at the carepoint. He came in with his mom and his tiny sister who I also recognized. I sat there waiting to get the stick that should show the results in minutes and put it in the box for the doctor in the next room. I held my breath as I watched and waited. And then I saw it, two little lines on that stick; positive for HIV. My heart dropped and tears started forming in my eyes. Yes, all the other positive ones that I could put with faces I saw today were sad and broke my heart. But this one was different for me. It was personal. I knew that little boy. I took pictures of that little boy. I hugged and loved on that little boy. And this little boy’s mom just found out she has HIV. He’s not any older than four. It was heart shattering. How would I feel being that boy? Who possibly is so young that he won’t understand? Or that mom who now knows that she has an incurable disease that will kill her? This then made EVERY positive result more heart shattering for me as I realized that they all are someone to someone. I may not know who they are important to but they are all someone’s mom, dad, daughter, son, grandma or grandpa. I hated that this is only a small glimpse into the epidemic here. I hated seeing it. How many people went home today sad and depressed because we told them they have HIV? But I can’t let myself go in that direction because the God I serve is bigger. He is bigger than this disease and loves these people with an intense passion. And while some people went home today with sad results, they also now have medication that will give them the chance to prolong their lives for the person they are a “somebody” too. God gave me a bit more of His heart today for the HIV stricken people of Swaziland.

-Jessica Hilgenberg